WHO WORE WHAT?.....Eurovision Song Contest 2013 Fashion: Good and Oh Dear!

Disco Ball Birth: Belarus' Alyona Lanskaya emerges from a super-sized disco ball, during her performance to "Solayoh"--Eurovision Song Contest 2013

Bride of Finland: Finland's Krista Siefrids donned a super tacky Cindy Lauper-meets-Madonna wedding costume for her performance to (wait for it!) "Marry Me"--Eurovision Song Contest 2013

What is otherwise known as "ABBA Meets Miss Universe", "Kitsch Heaven", "What Gay heaven Looks Like", or "Pop on SuperCrack"--the 58th Annual Eurovision Song Contest ended last night with the winner coming from Denmark. The 2013 Eurovision occurred in Malmö, Sweden at the Malmö Arena Hall. The contest drew thousands of fans (and millions upon millions of TV viewers) from not just Europe but all over the world. Below is a little refresher on what Eurovision is (for the kids here in the USA who are like "Euro-WHAT?"...):

The Eurovision Song Contest is an annual singing competition held among many of the active member countries of the European Broadcasting Union (EBU). Each member country submits a song to be performed on live TV and radio and then casts votes for the other countries' songs to determine the most popular song in the competition. The contest has been broadcast every year since its inauguration in 1956 and is one of the longest-running television programs in the world. Through the years, it has garnered a big following for its UBER tacky-licious songs, performances, costumes. But before you laugh the contest off, it has had some famous (if not infamous) past winners and finalists including ABBA (naturally!) who won for Sweden with their song "Waterloo" in 1974, Celine Dion (Who Knew!?) who represented Switzerland (?) in 1988 and Julio Iglesias who got 4th place representing Spain in Eurovision's 1970 edition.

This year's winner was the lovely 20 year-old Emmelie de Forest (above with her trophy and team) who represented Denmark with the song "Only Teardrops". She got the highest points--281--for her barefoot performance, easily landing her the Eurovision "crown" (I think that they should actually give the winners a crown, by the way, like Miss Universe/Miss World...that would just really take it over the top!).

So let's Discuss the Important Stuff: The COSTUMES! Last year we saw this:

 Robot Twin Love: Ireland's Jednard

 Morticia de Albania: Albania's Rona Nishliu

Babushka Grannies: Russia's Buranovskiye Babushki

 Blindfold Boy: Lithuania's Donny Montell singing "Love Is Blind" (of course!)

So, with that kind of a "Kooky Costume Eurovision Parade of Nations" precursor, one could only take a guess at what was on stage at this year's Eurovision Song Contest 2013...let's begin with the host:

Petra Mede: Swedish comedian Petra Mede was this year's "Master of Ceremonies" and she did it in style! Even if it was kitschy and tacky-licious at times (hello, it's EUROVISION!), she still gave it her all. Naturally she got help from French Couturier Jean Paul Gaultier, who created her onstage gowns and "get-ups". She wore the bubblegum pink silk duchesse satin Jean Paul Gaultier Custom Couture off-the-shoulder double-breasted coat-gown with "Elizabethan" sleeves seen above. The pink gown was one her best looks while hosting the contest. She also wore other Gaultier creations:

Ball Gown Petra: This oversized petticoat ball gown/skirt is the same one Gaultier showed in his Finale of the Jean Paul Gaultier Haute Couture Spring 2013 collection:

It was quite a finale when under the skirt, several little Indian girls came out from underneath it! It was like a Bollywood Mother Gigogne! Part of me would have wished Petra (the Eurovision 2013 host) would have had several singers hidden under that skirt and at a certain point in her hosting, the singers would have emerged from her oversized Couture skirt!

 

Petra Hi-Low: Mede also wore this high-low styled gown featuring heavy gathering and draping at the front and gold-leaf embroidery and applique underneath and at the shoulders. This was a bit of a "miss" if you ask me, and the "mumsy" t-strap black pumps didn't help.

Metallic Swedish Mermaid: Mede wore this silver mermaid-shaped gown that was customized for her (the top section) from one of the looks featured in Jean Paul Gaultier Haute Couture Spring 2013 collection. I liked the gown but not the hair style. The gown says "$75,000-worthy Couture!" and her hair says "$25 haircut from a mall".

Now, the Good and "Oh No They Didn't!" of the singers--Eurovision Song Contest 2013 Fashion:

The Winner Emmelie de Forest of Denmark: de Forest wore an off-white floaty dress with braided underbust detail and handkerchief uneven hem for her "Only Teardrops" winning performance. It was ethereal and appropriate for the song. The surprise: No Kitschy/Tackiness factor. Oh wait, why are there "Little Danish Drummer Boys" flanking her? Thank goodness there was still a little bit of "What the heck?" that I come to expect from Eurovision fashion/costumes.

Feathered EuroQueen: Last year's winner, Loreen from Sweden. Love this. She's very Givenchy-meets-Couture Disney Native American Princess

Sweden, Robin Stjernberg: Robin sang "You" and ended up in 14th place (out of 26). His costume--as well as his dancers and backup singers were more "modern interpretative dance number" looking. I think his asymmetrical vest with folded front was interesting and all in all, worked with the performance; nothing too out there and actually pretty tame considering what you'll see at the end of the post...

Estonia, Birgit: Birgit wore this very simple--and quite beautiful (OMG! At Eurovision?) strapless white full gown with silver bust-edge trim to sing "Et uus saaks alguse". It was perfect with her simple side-parted hairstyle.

UK, Bonnie Tyler:  Superstar singer Bonnie Tyler (yes kids, Miss "Total Eclipse of the Heart" Bonnie Tyler!) ended up 19th in the final standings of the contest (Ayyy Dios Mio!), with her performance to "Believe In Me". Her black and silver with dangling jeweled details ensemble was Rock & Roll and I think, just right for this Diva.

Russia, Dina Garipova: Garipova got 5th Place overall with her Eurovision 2013 performance "What If". Now, what I want to say is "What If...she didn't look like a Mother-of-the-Bride?". This gown--though pretty--is just so "A Guest at a Wedding". It also is unflattering and makes her look really wide at the waist. A very fitted--structured through the body--gown with a fitted waist line would have been more impacting. Congrats, though for getting 5th Place!

Ireland, Ryan Dolan: Ryan Dolan of Ireland ended up in last place after the final points were all tabulated. But, in my book those shirtless sexy back-up dancer drummer boys (what is up with the Drummer Boys??) get my First Place Votes in "No Reason Whatsoever Except for being So SUPER Gay!". Why are they (un) dressed like that and why is Ryan dressed like he's the Doorman at a Leather Daddy Bar? I have no idea. But I like it!

Le "Kooky":

Romania, Cezar: Romania's entry at Eurovision 2013, Cezar had a very flashy performance to a song entitled "It's My Life". Along with the set and lighting, he wore a very flashy black oversized paillete ensemble with exaggerated lapels, shoulder pads and a very plunging neckline. He looks very "Dracula Liberace". And wait, wasn't Dracula from Romania? Now, it all makes sense!

Moldova, Aliona Moon: I actually loved Aliona's costume for her "O Mie" performance. It looks like something a very talented fashion student from an international fashion school like POLIMODA would have created for her. It's also very Viktor & Rolf-meets-Hussein Chalayan.

Azerbaijan, Farid Mammadov: Farid sang a song entitled "Hold Me" and naturally he did part of his performance trapped in a glass box as seen in the above picture. At first I thought this was a magic act from some cheesy overpriced Vegas show but nope. I have no words other than "Only at Eurovision!". Did I mention he almost won! Yes kids, he came in 2nd!

Belarus, Alyona Lanskaya: Miss "Disco Ball" Alyona emerged from a glittery disco ball as part of her performance at Eurovision 2013. She wanted to give the Lady Gaga-in-an-egg thang but the more glittery version I guess. She looks very Kylie in this micro-mini fringed number and she almost takes the top prize for "Wack-a-Doodle Eurovision Fashion"...Almost because that prize goes to:

Finland's Krista Siefrids: All you need to know is that she sang to a song called "Marry Me", it was very up-tempo pop, very Katy Perry-esque (therefore the sort-of-like Katy Perry costumes) and she kissed a girl at the end (Oh, that's very Katy Perry too!). She wore an over-the-top strapless high low "wedding gown" that was really more like a bad 80s Prom mess of a dress. Everything about it was tacky-licious but totally worked with the song and performance and best of all, it was SOOOO Eurovision!

Click Below to Watch Finland's Krista Siefrids "Marry Me" Performance:

 Click Below to watch the Winning Performance of Eurovision Song Contest 2013 from Denmark: