SASHES AND TIARAS.....Miss Universe 2014 Preliminaries Evening Gowns: The "Uh Oh!"

OOOH GURL! The "Uh Oh!" Gowns from the 63rd Annual Miss Universe Preliminary Competition (Clockwise from top left: Italy, Argentina, Aruba, and Paraguay)--Miss Universe 2014 Preliminary Competition, FIU Arena, Florida International University Doral/Miami Florida

Pageant Fans...in my last post I discussed my FAVORITES of the evening gowns from Wednesday night's 63rd Annual Miss Universe Preliminary Competition so naturally, guess what follows? Yep! The Not-So-Good ones. So without further ado, here are my picks for some of the most Uh Oh!/Hoochie/Oh-No-She-Didn't Evening Gowns from the Miss Universe 2014 Prelims. Just a warning: lots of too-high slits, lamé, ripply seams and see-thru fabrics up to the CHA-CHA....and of course, Stripper Platform Heels. Don't say I didn't warn y'all. These girls should have known better. Let's begin:

Argentina Valentina Ferrer: Oh Valentina! She is so sexy and pretty (and her body WITHOUT this gown is SLAMMIN'!) but...this dress is a bit tacky. This bugglegum pink velvet concoction just screams "AVN Awards" (sorry); the scooped front slit/opening, the velvet, the fit, oh and then the silver crystal trim. No Mija!

Paraguay Sally Jara: When Sally walked out in this, I gasped! And it wasn't a good gasp. What. The. You-know-what!!?? The copper shoulder and torso panels and the blush colored iridescent organza and the "SI! That's my Cha-Cha!". What first year fashion school student made this for her for free?? Seriously? I think this could have been good if the copper panels just continued though the length of the gown. Or at least didn't stop up THERE.

Italy Valentina Bonariva: Valentina chose to wear a powder pink gown with a VERY HIGH slit. But that wasn't all that was in the gown---there were crystals and pleated panels...and a dyed-to-match organza overskirt. It was A LOT of Tacky-licious! To be honest, she looked like she just got invited to one of Former prime Minister of Italy Berluscony's Bunga Bunga Parties! How do you say #OhDear in Italian? On a good note, I liked her silver strappy heels. At least she didn't wear those platform ones! Grazie mille.

Aruba Digene Zimmerman: Digene walked onstage and it was a "Oh No She Didn't!". First, we saw that she was wearing a lilac printed dress of sorts with a sequined bodice but then, she did this:

And I was like "OOOOOOHHHH!!!!!!!" I have to say that I give her "At-a-Girl" points for even going there (and I am sure lots of Aruba drag queens will make her their next IDOL!), however...I just can't believe she wore a sequined swimsuit with an attached printed chiffon skirt! It was A) nervy but on a style level, a little Tacky-Licious. And B) yes, therefore, she is in my "Uh OH!" Miss Universe 2014  Preliminary Competition Gown List.

Canada Chanel Beckenlehner: Chanel wore a bubblegum pink colored strapless gown that yes, featured a peacock feathered train. Oh and if that wasn't enough, it had a a slit/opening and naturally, that wasn't enough so...she styled it with tacky too-high crystal Stripper Heels. I don't even know where to begin with this mess. I feel bad for the birds whose feathers were plucked for this. This gown would have been actually ind of nice if it was just a flared column all in the pink crepe satin without the opening and definitely without the "National Costume"-like feathered detail.

Norway Elise Dalby: Bless her heart. The gown is a white flower applique mess, and then there's that too-long hair. Everything about this just hangs there, if you know what I am saying. If this was made better, there would be no waist seam and it would be styled completely different. I get what she was going for, but it wasn't THIS:

Elie Saab Fall 2009 Haute Couture--I wish it was this!

Slovenia Urska Bracko: I did not like this gown when she wore it for the Miss Universe 2014 Website Evening Gown Portraits and I do not like it now. The silver against her pale skin is not cute and more importantly, the gown has waaaay too many unnecessary details; the gathered hem ruffles, the side rosettes, the mesh midriff...it's TOO MUCHEEY. And adds up to a Gown No-No.

El Salvador Patricia Murillo: Two words: GOLD LAME. I cannot believe she wore gold lame and did it with a smile. The gown is not so tacky, it's just the fabrication really. She reminds me of a melted Oscars statuesque. On a good note: I do love the heavy sequin detail at her neck; that looks intricate and expensive.

British Virgin Islands Jaynene Jno Lewis: File under "Bless Your Heart". I get that probably Jaynene and the Miss British Virgin Islands Organization may not have the gown budget of the Miss USA, Miss Russia (Elie Saab Haute Couture!!), or Miss Ukraine (Zuhair Murad Haute Couture!!) but this canary yellow poly satin mermaid silhouette gown is too tacky-licious. The bust fit is bad and I cannot get past the ripply side seams. I have to say, when you are competing on this level--at the Miss Universe--there is NO EXCUSE; either spend the money or bow out darling.

Serbia Andjelka Tomasevic: I know that a lot of pageant watchers think that Andjelka is a TOP FAVE to win the crown. But....hopefully not in this gown. This gown screams Figure Skating Costume No-No. The gown featured a tulle/netting base with sculpted pointed solid fabric pieces and sequins to resemble snow flakes (I think!). I just don't get the entire concept.

Tanzania Nale Boniface: While lots of the contestants chose to wear this type of gown--Nale's was two seconds from Hoochie and Tacky. On a good note: I think the sequin work is quite interesting but...I wish it was on a Figure Skating Costume and not on her Evening Gown. And I just think the sheer skirt panel starts waaaay to high and close to her you-know-what. Can we CLASS it up a bit ladies. Please?!

Finally, I have a bone to pick with...Miss Curacao's Gown:

Curacao Laurien Angelista: The beautiful Laurien wore this strapless white gown on Wednesday night's Miss Universe 2014 Preliminary Competition. For the most part, I thought this was a nice gown but then....I saw the hem:

I know that this might be "Designer Picky" for the most of you, but...the lining seemed to be much longer than the outside(self) portion of the gown. And, yes kids, this is a BIG NO-NO. I literally had no words for this, other than BAD CONSTRUCTION. This kind of gown/Construction offense is inexcusable. Maybe the dress was somehow shortened but the seamstress forgot to also shorten the lining...who knows what happened here.

**NEXT UP: The Miss Universe 2014 National Costumes Show Blog!!!**