SASHES AND TIARAS.....Uh Oh! Beauty Pageant Gowns of 2014: Fire Your Pageant Stylist List

The Ayyyy Mija's! of 2014--Time to fire your stylist, ladies--The "Uh Oh!" Beauty Pageant Gowns of 2014

Since it's the New Year, it's time for those "Best of 2014" lists...and in one of my previous posts HERE, I put together my FAVORITE "Best Beauty Pageant Gowns" of 2014, featuring some of what I thought were the Best designs worn by international beauty contestants throughout the past year. Now, naturally, any time there's a "Best", what follows is the "Uh Oh" list. So, as a counterpoint I present you my "Uh OH/Ayyy Mija! Beauty Pageant Gowns" of 2014...

Miss World Philippines 2014-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Contestant #4 Priscilla Kimberley dela Cruz: One word: GURL! Or as I like to say "Ayyy Mija!!". During the pageant, when she lifted up the dress and almost exposed her "Uh Oh" regions, I was afraid for her--and her family-- seeing something they might not want to see! This is the definition of Hoochie. And then there was the tacky-licious styling: the too-big choker, heels. Oy Vey.

 #20 Nelda Ibe: While she made quite an impression during the Evening Gown portion of the "Miss World Philippines 2014" finals (especially when she "flipped" her skirt section) and I liked the apricot color of the gown...it was the odd gathering/ruching that was buckling in the top section that bothered me; it was a bit "Happy Hands At Home" home sewing looking. And the gown was too short.

#21 Jean Marie Feliciano: I love the canary yellow color and gold jeweled sequin detail but just not in this gown. There's something "Figure Skating Costume" about the look and I am especially not a fan of the iridescent nude inset right below her you-know-what. The fabric and trim were right, just the wrong design. In the hands of a more talented designer, this would have been gorgeous and not tacky.

Miss USA 2014------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Miss New Mexico USA Kamryn Blackwood: Oh Kamryn, she's a lovely girl for sure. On the plus side, her hair looked un-Pageant Betty and up-to-date, and she didn't pile on the jewelry. However (a big however!), she wore THIS gown. This plum-colored gown is HOOCHIE and better for the AVN Awards (sorry) than for competing for Miss USA; it was too revealing, too cut-out and about one inch away from a "wardrobe malfunction" in the bust area.

Miss North Dakota USA Audra Mari: Audra almost got the Miss USA 2014 crown this past year. She wore an emerald satin gown with "one-shoulder" draped bodice detail sewn over nude illusion. The dress also had a sequined waistband. I was a bit perplexed by this gown and not a fan to be honest. It seemed a little sloppy and lacked the sophistication and amazing execution one would see from a high level pageant gown. I also didn't understand why the designers--or whoever made this gown--would put a big ol' WHITE zipper on the side, for all to see.

Miss Venezuela 2014-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Miss Barinas Stefany Merlin: When she first stepped onstage during the Miss Venezuela 2014 pageant, I loudly said "Alright GURL!! get it!". But then I realized that's also what I say when I see a FABULOUS Drag Queen! This gown was A LOT--the Halloween orange color, the Versace-like gold banding, the sequined column, the unnecessary back chiffon attached overskirt and then, her "sisters" are on FULL DISPLAY as if to say "Gracias Plastic Surgeon for a great job!". File under "Waaaay Too Mucheeey!".

Miss Monagas Fabiola Briceno: When "Miss Monagas" first walked out in her red mermaid shaped gown in the "Miss Venezuela 2014" Evevning Gown competition I thought two things: Ole!, and, she looks like Spanish Flamenco Diva Isabel Pantoja. The red lace applique gown was A LOT and too overwhelming. It's obvious that "More Is More" in the "Miss Venezuela" gown mantra but I just think it dated the beautiful Fabiola. On a good note: she looked like a porcelain Andalusian Doll.

Miss Yaracuy Edmary Pineda: When Edmary first stepped onto the stage, the camera only showed the top, and I was thinking "Oh, this could be interesting". But then, it panned to the entire gown and it quickly went into "Cleopatra Blue Bird"/National Costume territory. The feathered and muti-tiered tulle bottom is so not necessary; she belongs in a Gay Pride Float and not the Miss Venezuela (oh, wait, maybe they're the SAME THING!!).

Señorita Colombia 2014-2015/Miss Colombia Universe 2014-2015--------------------------------------

Miss Cundinamarca Maribel Mendoza Londono: Silver stretch lame are not the three words one would associate with a winning evening gown. Not sure why she would wear this Disco 1982 looking gown, but she did, unfortunately. Ayyy Mija!, indeed.

Miss Arauca Lynda Shirley Guedes Castro: This black and silver sequined gown is so off-the-rack looking. The flower trim at the waist was not necessary and the entire style lacked sophistication and elegant up to date glamour; this gown was nice in 1994 but in 2014, it needs to be a little more directional.

Miss Earth 2014-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Miss Earth Scotland Romy McCahill: What is happening here with Romy's gown?? The dress was all things A MESS; the too-high sweetheart neckline, the illusion Figure Skating Costume torso detail, and then...the ripply seams, the badly fitted sides and worst of all, the WRINKLED poly satin! Did her backstage dressers take a break from steaming? Pobrecita, as we say in Spanish. She's such a pretty girl but wow, this was a major Gown No-No.

Miss Earth Zambia Cartier Zagorski: Someone must have been watching the most recent Moschino Spring 2015 "Barbie Collection" by Jeremy Scott one too many times on YouTube... Bubblegum pink, one shoulder, mermaid-shape with plastic and silver lame tiered skirts. Oh and then there's a back poly chiffon "cape" PLUS Indian-style forehead beading. I think it's quite FAB for a Barbie 50th Anniversary gala but for the evening gown competition of an international beauty pageant...a bit tacky-licious.

Miss World 2014----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Miss England Carina Tyrrell: Carina placed very high at the "Miss World 2014" Finals. She was very pretty and I'm sure a very sweet woman. However, her gown and especially the overall styling was ATROCIOUS! Let's begin with the "I'm a Disney Princess" Prom Dress style of this white gown. And then, what is up with the long gloves???!!! It's not 1968, darling. She was very Retro and trust me, not in a good way.

Miss World Serbia Milica Vuklis: Alright girl, we can see you are one hot, sexy contestant; I get it. Milica has a gorgeous face but why, oh why does she ruin it all with this TACKY-LICIOUS hi-lo golden colored gown. It's not the hi-lo I dislike, it's the focus on her smooshed boobs, the feathered trim at the hem (really??!!), the fact that I can see the tacky feathered trim from the inside...and yes, then there are those black and nude heels. One. Hot. Mess.

Miss Bosnia and Herzegovina Isidora Borovcanin: Three words--Cha Cha Queen. The crinkled rosette ruffled hi-lo skirt, the "Carmen" figure skating costume design...the tacky black heels; it's just too much. She's very pretty and I can understand how she made it into the Top 20 of the "Miss World 2014 Top Model" but...this gown is a hot mess. I can't even continue after typing "crinkled rosettes". Seriously.

Miss Latvia Liliana Garkalne: Bland. Bland. Bland. Nude colored top with black messy tulle skirt. This is someone who does not want to be bothered, style-wise; it's sad and depressing. She looks like she's attending a semi-Goth like New Year's Eve Party...and still does not want to be noticed.

Miss Luxembourg Frederique Wolff: Wowsa, that's some fire red on that gown! I like the red applique trim but I don't think red might have been a good choice on the multi-tiered tulle. This looks like a costume/dress that might have been rejected as part of the "Hunger Games: Catching Fire" film. I think on an olive-skinned, dark haired beauty: YES. On her above, no.

Miss Martinique Anais Delwaulle: Three words--Bless. Her. Heart. This pink tulle and sequin hi-lo style dress is a tacky mess. Has this woman seen what actual actresses and models wear to red carpet events? And those gold stripper glitter pumps??? How do you say "Huuuuuney???!!!" en Francais? Well, at least she was smiling through it all. Let's just hope she got that for FREE.

Miss Nigeria Iheoma Nnadi: Barbie Madness. The cheap-looking organza, the back tulle detail and the solid-to-sheer gown detail...it's just TOO MUJCHEEY. I LOVE this color but I hate when it's used in such an overtly non-edited tacky way; there's just way too many things going on and NONE of it makes any style sense, unless she is performing a Barbie segment on a Princess Cruise Ship.

Miss South Sudan Awien Kuanyin-Agoth: Awien made my "Best of 2014 Pageant Gown List" and yet, she still made the "Uh Oh" list here with this dress she wore for the Miss World Top Model/World Fashion Designer Dress presentation. While I think the fabrication on this dress is interesting, it's WAAAY too short and the styling is completely off. There's no need for that necklace and especially those style of shoes; those shoes belong to a business outfit not a gown. Well, at last she MAJORLY redeemed herself at the Finals.

Miss Switzerland Dijana Cvijetic: Can you say "My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding"? This is all things a mess. Let's just begin with the too-short hi-lo strapless sequined bustier and iridescent organza design. There's so much polyester in this that I am really afraid when anyone lights a match near her. And then, there's those awful black platform peep-toe heels. I could see those in a sexy very fitted black pencil-skirted suit a la Kim Kardashian. But here, it's Tacky-Licious. Oh well, at least she looks happy, and her hair and makeup were good!

Here's to a (hopefully) FABULOUS and (Good) Fashionable Beauty Pageant Gown New Year!