A Universal HOT MESS... Well, with "The Good" and "The Transparent" , must also come the "Hot Messes", or as I like to say the "Oh No She Didn't" Group. As you know, it's Miss Universe Time!!! The Final Miss Universe 2011 Telecast is TONIGHT--LIVE from the Brazilian MEGAcity São Paulo and in my last two posts I have given my "Nick V" Reviews on my Top Picks as well as the Transparent/Over-Embroidered Trend from seeing the photos and video of last Thursday night's Miss Universe Preliminary Competition. All right kids, I hate to do this...but here are the Girls Who Should Have Known Better--Evening Gown-wise--I will Section them off by Continental Regions. Let's begin with... Europe:
For some reason, Europe had A LOT of messes. What is up with that? Are they having a lack of evening gown designers? Why is the European "Taste Level" for choosing and wearing Evening Gowns--when it comes to Beauty Pageants--just a little bit left of "What Is She Thinking?" After watching so many of these international beauty pageants, I am used to seeing a lot of those "Kooky" Eastern European girls choose gowns that look as if they were made in a one-bedroom apartment with little electricity...but for some reason, this year, this "Kooky" trend has spread throughout the continent--from East to West. Miss Russia Universe 2011 Natalia Gantimurova: Here's the good part: I love the bustier/top portion and how it's draped; very Dior Haute Couture. But then it all goes Bad Prom Quinceañera from the waist down. It's just such a mess, I don't even know where to begin, other than taking that whole bottom gown section off and replacing it with a clean, fitted section. The garish colors of BLOOD red and muted olive did not help her either. Miss Spain Universe 2011 Paula Guillo: Oh HUNEY! What is this dress? It's a strapless short mini but...with an iridescent chiffon over-lay being held up by a piece of embroidered applique'. I DO NOT get it. She's such a pretty girl. Why she wanted to look like a "Real Housewives of (fill in the blank)" at a tacky wedding in Atlantic City, is beyond me. No Señorita. Think of what Crown Princess Letizia would have worn...now go change! Miss Kazakhstan Universe 2011 Valeriya Aleinikova: Yes, I know the Big/Strong Shoulders Trend is very NOW, but not in this manner. While the bias-cut slinky gown portion does flatter her figure, those inset Leg-o-Mutton sleeves, DO NOT. One thing's for sure, "Dynasty" Designer Nolan Miller as well as actresses Joan Collins and Linda Evans...they would be proud! Miss Portugal Universe 2011 Laura Goncalves: Laura is such a pretty girl. She should have chosen a simpler, more elegant gown. Because this one, just didn't work for me--or for her! The top portion is fine with its criss-cross draped ruching, but then the bottom portion!? WHAT. Is. That. Fabric? And WHY is it on her? It looks like a throw-rug from Walmart's bathroom towels-and-mats section. Miss Romania Universe 2011 Larisa Popa: Well, well, well, what have we got here? When she came out in this gown, the first thing I noticed was the bright bubblegum pink and apple-green fabrication, and I exclaimed an "All righty then!" Besides the over-abundance of Candy Colors, this one shoulder A-line shaped gown makes her look like a Bridesmaid from 1984 who is heading straight to the Open Bar! Miss Hungary Universe 2011 Betta Lipcsei: OK, here's another example of the top portion being OK but then it went to Nuclear Wrinkled Taffeta Explosion! How, in the name of the Pageant Gods, did she think--as it was "presented to her" as THE gown she would wear to the Miss Universe Pageant--that this is even cute, elegant and worthy of having a crown being put on her head. It's so big at the bottom, she could hide ten Hungarian 4 year old's under there! Miss Greece Universe 2011 Iliana Papageorgiou: Iliana is on a lot of pageant-watchers "Favorites" List as a possible contender for tonight's crown. But, not in this gown! It is a cheap polyester satin mess! And are those organza rosettes framing the high-low hem of the gown? No!!! And oh, should I even begin to discuss the turquoise blue pumps? OK, I will. They are FABULOUS! I give her that. And they're perfect when worn with a sexy Herve Leger--or NIKOLAKI mini dress (wink wink!), but NOT, EVER...with this gown. South America: Miss Guyana Universe 2011 Kara Lord: OK, this gown is perplexing. She's a Mermaid, I think. There are also design suggestions in this gown of that famous Boticelli painting "The Birth of Venus" (the seashell-looking bust sections, the flora-and-fauna sequined skirt). But then what's in the back? Is she "pooping" (sorry but I had to!), iridescent organza? WHY????? Maybe this is considered an evening gown trend in Guyana but not anywhere else I've been to! North and Central America: Miss Canada Universe 2011 Chelsae Durocher: Now, we're onto the "North American Fashion Victims" beginning with Canada. I love the Mermaid shape, but there's something about the fabric and that shoulder-exposing sleeve detail that makes it look cheap, dated and almost home-made. And really, was there a need to place a swirly applique' RIGHT ON HER BUST???!!! Miss Guatemala 2011 Alejandra Barillas: Oh, Alejandra! At least you are consistent. She wore a mess of a gown for the "Official Evening Gown Portraits" and here she goes again, but this time a different mess of a gown! She's "on trend" with the Transparency thing as well as the strong shoulders, yet the overall effect makes her look like a 50-something year-old wife of a Mobster at a New Jersey Wedding. The side cut-outs, the too-short front, the tacky stretch lace at the THIGH and lower arms...Pobrecita, is what my abuelita would have said! Miss Costa Rica 2011 Johanna Solano: Finally, last but not least in my "Miss Universe 2011 Hall of Shame Evening Gowns" was this one from the very pretty Johanna, Miss Costa Rica. Is she doing Bizet's "Carmen" in San Jose? The tiered ruffles on the gown are falling FLAT and look like the window drapes of an old lady's house; the rosettes on the torso/bustier are so "Happy Hands at Home"; the middle parted-yet-poufed in the back hairstyle is so 1992 Prom Photo. I wonder if these girls are forced to wear these things or they actually pick them and therefore (I am so scared) have no taste when it comes to wearing gowns...Maybe next time Miss Costa Rica. I know you can make me proud...

See-Thru Miss Universe Continuing on my "Miss Universe 211 Preliminary Competition" Gown Review...While looking at all the photos, and viewing the video--I quickly noticed a Trend. One of Transparent/see-through gowns that had sequined embroidery/applique' to cover the "important areas". There were LOTS of these. Some worked and some, not so much... Let's take a look: Miss Venezuela Universe 2011 Vanessa Goncalves: Miss Venezuela is always a favorite and top contender for the crown. Need I remind you, there were TWO Miss Venezuela's--back to back, who won the Miss Universe crown not so long ago. Vanessa wore a different gown for the very important Preliminaries. Designed by the go-to-guy for Miss Venezuela Gowns--the "new Angel Sanchez"--Gionni Straccia, it was a one-shoulder fit-to-flare gown in a sheer organza base with gold, silver and turquoise embroidered sequin applique'. It's A LOT of gown and very heavy with the embroidery. I like it in terms of its statement-making effect. She looks like a South American Cleopatra. If there was any "critique", it might be the hair: She's a hot minute away from looking a little too "Real Housewives of Atlanta" Kim Zolciak.
It also reminded me a bit of the gown I designed and created back in 1996 for the-then Miss USA Ali Landry, when she was giving up her crown. It was VERY CONTROVERSIAL then, in that I heard the producers--and the official Wardrobe Designer, did not want her to wear it because it was too risque'. But she did anyway! (At-a-Girl!). Miss Colombia Universe 2011 Catalina Robayo: Catalina gets my "You Go Girl!" points for just going there and wearing this orange chiffon "gown" with an attached sequined see-through JUMPSUIT. Yes, I said jumpsuit! I always say, if you're going to do something, do it 110% never do it 95%. And boy, did she ever follow my advice. I can almost hear the gasp from the Preliminary Judges when she came out. I'm sure a couple of them were like "Oh, uh, ummm, OK!! Well, that's a Gown!!!!...And a beaded jumpsuit!" In terms of the "Nick Verreos Drag Queen Scale": A TEN!!!! Incidentally, it's very similar to... This ocean-blue gown above that Miss Thailand Universe 2011 Chanyasorn Sakornchan wore for her "Official Evening Gown Portrait" (above photo). It must be by the same "designer"/brand. Same beaded legging/jumpsuit "base" but different silhouette in terms of the chiffon "over" gown. Speaking of Miss Thailand: She changed and wore a different gown also featuring that trend of see-though/embroidered applique'. It was another one of those gowns I would put under the category of "A LOT of Dress". It's very "Showgirl" and two minutes away from looking like a gown you would see the Hostess of a Cruise Ship Cabaret Theater, wear. Those silver platforms did not help. I look at that photo and I think "Am I back in 1992??" Miss Switzerland Universe 2011 Kerstin Cook: Kerstin's gown is a prime example of the "Transparent/Embroidered" Trend. In case you didn't know, Switzerland has a long history of making the laces and embroidery for a lot of the Haute Couture Fashion Houses--especially in the town of St. Gallen---so it makes sense for her to "represent". But somehow, this gown doesn't work, at least for me. She's so pretty, and the gown takes away from that. Miss Dominican Republic Universe 2011 Dalia Fernandez: This is a different gown from the one she wore for the website's "Official Evening Gown Portraits". It's a coral chiffon gown with very heavy beaded details on the torso. It's a little "Nuestra Belleza"--and not in a good way. Also, she looks as if she rubbed up against the coral reefs of Australia and ended up with this gown. Miss Australia Universe 2011 Scherri-lee Biggs: She's a BEAUTIFUL girl! Total "commercial" material. But this gown: It's a strapless gray-ivory organza gown with embroidered sequin applique', transparent from the thigh down. She could have done better; a simple clean colored silk crepe strapless gown with no "bells and whistles" would have sufficed. This one just makes her look as if she's a Trophy Presenter at the World Music Awards in Monaco. She needs to look as if SHE IS GETTING THE AWARD!!! Miss Philippines Universe 2011 Shamcey Supsup: Shamcey also followed on this transparency-with-sequins trend. But in her case, she did it right! She doesn't look trashy or like a back-up singer in a Sonny and Cher Show (like some of the previous girls). I like the subtlety of the sheerness and the fact that her hair-and-make up don't take away from it. In terms of the "Miss Universe Drama" scale, it's pretty low, but that could be a bonus for her. *Up Next: The "Hot Messes" of the Miss Universe 2011 Preliminary Evening Gown Competition!!! Stay tuned...

My Favorites of The Universe: Well kids, it's down to the "Pageant Wire"!! Miss Universe 2011 Final Telecast is TOMORROW Monday September 12th, LIVE from São Paulo on NBC/Telemundo Networks. Last Thursday, September 8th were the very important Preliminary Competition--Swimsuit and Evening Gowns--where a "separate panel of judges" evaluated the 89 beauties from all over the world to cast their votes on who would end up as the Top 14 Finalists on Monday night. Well, for me here, never mind the swimsuit portion...it's ALL ABOUT THE EVENING GOWNS!!! Some contestants wore the same gowns they wore for their "Official Evening Gown Portraits" but most wore a different gown. Let's see which ladies--and their gowns--made my Top Picks. Ready, Set...Here are my Miss Universe 2011 Best: Miss Ghana Universe 2011 Erica Nego: Simply sublime!!! With so many out-of-control transparent HOOCHIE-Mommas (in a later post, I promise!!), so many sequined-overly poufed, overly embroidered & overly EVERYTHING gowns, when I saw this photo of Miss Ghana, I FINALLY breathed a Fashionista Sigh of "Now We're Talking!". It's Red Carpet material, elegant, entrance-making. The clean, modern hair and make-up just add to its overall gorgeous effect. This girl can go from the Miss Universe Preliminaries to presenting an award at the Emmy's in a hot minute--and still get in the "The Best on the Red Carpet" section the following day. Score: 10! Miss Mexico Universe 2011 Karin Ontiveros: Karin changed her gown for the Preliminaries and it was WAAAY for the Better! From the top of her head to the last 1/4 inch of her pumps: Excelente! The light mauve/plum coloring is elegant, love the asymmetry of the neckline. It is draped beautifully on her and I also like that the sequins were kept to a minimum. She looks like a Queen--as well as a top Mexico City actress who should have LOTS of bodyguards around her! Score: 9.8 Miss USA 2011 Alyssa Campanella: I am sure that this gown choice has been a "controversial" one out there in the "Pageant Fan Bloggersphere". It doesn't conform to any of those tacky over-the-top dresses that Missosologists (pageant followers) are used to. Where's the Slit? Nowhere. Where's the too-much applique'/sequins? Nowhere. Why aren't her boobies showing? Because she knows better! What many people don't realize lots of times, is that the judges--both Preliminary and Final Telecast--ARE NOT from the Pageant World and more from the Entertainment, Stylist, Designer, Manager/Agent world. And these people don't want to see tacky "Toddlers & Tiara's" gowns, they want to see an appropriate Red Carpet Stunner. And Alyssa's choice is that. It's very Marchesa-meets-McQueen Spartan Princess with its styling/silhouette and Sari-inspired embroidered gold trim. Score: 9.7 Miss Malaysia Universe 2011 Deborah Henry: Wow! Deborah might be the "Surprise of the Night", in that no one really payed attention to her before but after last Thursday's Preliminary Competition, she was on a lot of people's minds! For her evening gown, she chose a non-fussy elegant blue chiffon gown that made HER be the Star--as opposed to you only noticing her gown. It's simple, sexy and fits her perfectly. The icing on the cake was that she semi-slicked her hair back. It only made her look even more regal and up-to-date. PS: She has got some GAMS on her!!! Score: 9.7 Miss Puerto Rico Universe 2011 Viviana Ortiz: There were A LOT of these semi-see-through "transparent" gowns with embroidery and/or sequins covering the "important parts". I will follow this post with my "Photo Gallery" of those gowns...but for now, this one, was one of the best. I love the white color, the fit is AMAZING, and I can tell the beading and applique' work is EXPENSIVE!!! Notice the length kids! Do you see any shoes? Nope. thank you! Someone taught this girl just right! Score: 9.7 Miss Paraguay Universe 2011 Alba Riquelme: For the Preliminaries, Alba wore this Vanilla yellow tulle and satin strapless gown with metallic paillettes. It's an original design that stands out--and for good reason. The combination of tulle, satin AND metallic sequins could have turned out on the "Oh No You Didn't" section. But lucky for her--and her designer--it did not. She looks fabulous! I only wish the front was about 6 inches longer! What happened there? Score: 9.5 Miss Curacao Universe 2011 Eva Van Putten: Thank goodness Miss Eva changed her gown from what she wore on the Website's "Official Evening Gown Portraits". This strapless gold gown is a show-stopper for sure!!! It's designed by Venezuelan designer Lixidio Solarte and features a princess-seamed "Mermaid-Lite" shape in gold mini paillettes that gradate into oversized ones. I'm sure it's a HEAVY and LOUD gown but who cares?? I think she is "working it!" as my gays would say! Score: 9.4 Miss Ecuador Universe 2011 Claudia Schiess: Claudia also chose a gown by a Venezuelan designer, this time, it was Gionni Straccia--famous for outfitting all the Miss Venezuela Winners and several of the most recent Miss Universos from that country. The fuchsia color is gorgeous, the cut and asymmetrical silhouette of the gown is VERY "Beauty Pageant Gown 101" but...the way this designer picks his fabrics (silk crepe); his crystals (hand-beaded Swarovski) as opposed to cheap diamantes; the intricate draping and ruching, it takes it to a whole other level. Score: 9.4 Miss Albania Universe 2011 Xhesika Berberi: First of all---LOVE her name! She should have been a Figure Skater with that one! In terms of her gown: Perfectly Pretty. This chiffon lavender Empire-style gown features a ruched bust and a matching lavender crystal neckline detail. Elegant and very "I'm the classy girlfriend of an Eastern European Multi-Millionaire", and she's at a party in Monte-Carlo with him in this gown!!! Score: 9.4 Miss Ukraine Universe 2011 Olesia Stefanko: 23 year-old Olesia wore the SAME white chiffon gown she wore to her "Official Evening Gown Portraits". She made my "Top Favorite" List then, and she makes it into my Top Favorites NOW!!! This gown is very Grecian-Goddess featuring a gold sequin Empire-waist and neckline trim. She seems to love "working" those multi-layers of chiffon and does it with the ease of a top runway model. It's a simple gown really, again, only emphasizing just how gorgeous she is. One of the Best in the white gown group. Score: 9.3. Honorable Best-in-Gown Mentions: Miss Angola Universe 2011 Leila Lopes: Loved her gown in the "Official Evening Gown Portraits"--same gown here (good call Leila!). Best in gold. There's "a lot" in this gown: The feathers, the gold embroidery, the sequins, the slit...but it adds up to be one of the Best, in my book!!! Miss Aruba Universe 2011 Gillain Berry: Strapless, silver, metallic, no too-high slit, correct length, well-fitting, great hair (get rid of that cheesy bracelet though!) * Up Next: The See-Through/Transparent Gown Ladies...