SASHES AND TIARAS.....Miss USA 2012 Portrait Evening Gowns: Plunging, High Slits

Slits and "That's My Armpit" Pose Galore!!!

Plunging: Miss Georgia USA 2012 Jasmyn "Jazz" Alexandria Wilkins shows off her leg and her sisters....in her "Miss USA 2012" website portrait evening gown photo--She's gorgeous and HOT HOT HOT...but in this white too-plunging and too-high slit gown, I am thinking "Is she wanting to be Miss USA or Miss Stripper USA?

This Sunday--June 3rd, 2012, 9 PM on NBC--is the Miss USA 2012 Pageant. The 61st annual pageant will take place LIVE from Planet Hollywood Resort and Casino in Las Vegas Nevada. Since it will air at 9PM, that means that the actual pageant will begin around  6 PM PST time.

So yes, kids, that means, I will be making nachos, guacamole and my infamous Cadillac Margaritas...to watch the the fabulous beauty pageant, and especially check out the bedazzled gowns so I can review them and bring back my "Nick Beauty Pageant Gown" two cents to you right here on my little ol' blog.

Miss USA 2011 Alyssa Campanella puts her hand prints Planet Hollywood's Resort's Walk of Fame, Las Vegas Nevada

Last week, the Miss Universe/USA Organization posted on their website the "Miss USA 2012 Evening Gown Portraits". These were provided by one of the sponsors (Sherri Hill) and for the site, they were contractually obligated to wear them, I am assuming. Some, might in fact wear these as their final LIVE Telecast evening gown, and a lot, will probably not, since they have already chosen an evening gown to "feature" for the Preliminaries and the Final Telecast this coming Sunday.

Bronzed Slit: Miss District of Columbia USA 2012 Monique LaShone Thompkins, is working her one-shoulder side applique gown with an UBER high slit. After you get a look at how high that slit is...take a look at them platform heels. There's nothing more obvious to tell that a short girl is SHORT than by SHOWING them big platform heels. Miss Monique: HIDE them platforms huuuuney! Like NOW!

The "It's 1998 Beauty Pageant Gown" Award Goes To....

Alaina Bergsma Miss Oregon USA 2012:  She's absolutely stunning. Yet, she looks like a pageant girl from a pageant in...1998, in this black and silver silver sequined halter necklined-and-high-side-slit number. It is THE definition of a "Pageant Betty" gown. I think I remember seeing Mary Hart back in some Entertainment Tonight episode from 1996 actually wearing something like this! I just wished she could have chosen something else; maybe something closer to the 21st century.

Plunging + High Slit + Backless = Too Mucheeeyy... 

Kelsey Dow Miss Arkansas USA 2012 chose to wear this pale blue-green gown for her "Miss USA 2012 Evening Gown Portrait". While the previous dress was very 1998, this dress has arrived at 2001. There's the plunging neckline showing the "sisters", then there's the high center front slit. And if that was not enough, yes there seems to be a cut-out back exposing that section as well. Seriously, can we stop all that???

Why the Armpit Pose??? Why???

These three contestants should have known better. I give them "Party Girl" points and would probably LOVE to have many a Cadillac Margarita with them...however...for the official Miss USA 2012 Pageant Evening portrait, they should have chosen another pose. Or at least, they should have befriended the photographer and convinced him NOT to chose that one!

Rebecca Hodge Miss Iowa USA 2012: Rebecca is SO cute, I cannot even stand it!! Just look at her. I even (sort of) like her gown. Sequined, gunmetal, halter, no UBER-high slit or too-plunging neckline...so far so good. It's just that pose. Beyonce is credited for the "Arms Up In The Air" pose, but even she stopped that. It's like "Yes, I waxed...take a look!"

Next up...Miss Lousiana USA 2012 Erin Edmiston: Once again, I do not have much of a problem with the nude-colored sequined one-shoulder gown. OK, well, it should have been fully lined, but...other than that, well done. Again, it's the pose. She's very beautiful and doesn't need the arm-behind-the-head pose. Here, the message is "I waxed AND my Gown has NO lining!"

Finally--in the "Armpit Pose but Nice Gown" section...we have Miss Maine USA 2012 Rani Williamson: Once again, this woman is so gorgeous. Look at that perfect face, lips, hair...the gown isn't even bad. It's just the "Come-hither" and "I'll Steal You From Your Boring Wife" pose that gets me. Once again, I'd love to hang out with her and hear her "husband-stealing stories" but at the same time, I don't think this would be a good evening gown image to send to the world if you want to be the next...Miss USA.

Honorable "What Is She Holding Up Pose/Too Much Polyester in One Gown" Mention:

Miss Mississippi USA 2012 Myverick Rashea Garcia: First off, THAT name! Some Drag Queen in Mississippi is really bummed that she didn't choose this as her stage name! Seriously, MYVERICK RASHEA. Moving on. Two things here: what is she holding? I think that is all the train of the dress. And if it is: Lordy!! Is this a Wedding Gown or a Pageant Gown? I don't think it is necessary to have that much train unless, well, you're Eva Longoria and showing up to the Cannes 2012 Red Carpet. Just drop all that and let the photographer's assistant sweep it around you. Now, speaking of all that train: there is far too much polyester and figure skating costume-like applique happening in one gown. On a good note, this tacky-licious gown can do TRIPLE DUTY: it's a pageant, wedding gown and Figure Skating Costume all rolled up into one dress!

*Up Next; The "Nick Approved" Miss USA 2012 Website Portrait Evening Gowns...Stay Tuned.