Wednesday, June 04, 2014
Miss New Mexico USA (left) Kamryn Blackwood and Miss Utah USA (right) Angelia Layton: One is an "Uh Oh!" and the other, "Too Mucheey!"--can you tell the difference? keep reading...

In my last post, I discussed my "Nick Top Picks" of the the Evening Gowns featured in the Miss USA 2014 Evening Gown Portraits. Now, it's time for the "Uh Oh!" gowns. To begin with, surprisingly, there weren't many; after all this isn't the "Miss World" pageant where some of those lovely girls from not-so-pageant savvy nations (Bless Their Hearts!) wear these Tacky-licicous concoctions more appropriate for my "My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding" as opposed to winning an international beauty crown. But still, there were several 'Uh Oh's" here. In addition to these, I also want to highlight what I call the "Too Mucheey!" gowns--gowns that were A LOT and probably more right for riding on top of a Carnival--or Gay Pride--Parade Float...With that said, let's get to it:

Let's begin with the "Uh Oh!":

Miss New Mexico USA Kamryn Blackwood: Oh Kamryn, she's a lovely girl for sure. On the plus side, her hair looks un-Pageant Betty and up-to-date, and she didn't pile on the jewelry. However (big however!), she wore THIS gown. This plum-colored gown is HOOCHIE and better for the AVN Awards (sorry) than for running for Miss USA; it's too revealing, too cut-out and about one inch away from a "wardrobe malfunction".
Gown Score: 4.2

Miss Virginia USA Arielle Rosmarino: I think this particular gown could have been 'passable" if it didn't have that jeweled arm "attachment". A) What Is that? And B) What is THAT??? Seriously. She is 2 years away from looking like a tacky "Real Housewife of Atlanta"...in Virginia!
Gown score: 4.4

Miss Nebraska USA Amanda Soltero: I am actually on the fence in regards to this gown choice for the pretty Amanda. on one hand, I appreciate that she chose a non structured drape-y jersey style and I like the bold coral color. Her hair, makeup and jewelry are OK as well. I think it's the too-plunging cowl back that gets me. I LOVE a plunging open back but this is one inch too close to her you-know-what (what's the female version of a "plumber's butt?").
Gown Score: 7.0

Miss Arkansas USA Helen Wisner: While I appreciate the major Sexi-licious factor in this gown and I love the silver crystals strewn throughout the illusion top portion of this gown, it's a bit "Too Mucheey" in it's "I-AM-the-Woman-who-is-having-an-affair-with-your-Huzzband". And I just do not like the "boobie" pads on the dress that are quiet visible; that's unacceptable.
Gown Score: 5.2

The Show-Me-Some-Leg Girls:
Miss West Virginia USA Charrise Haislop: Oh Charisse. Where do I begin? (maybe with that bumped up hair that screams 2003). Irregardless,  I will just discuss the gown: This is a gown from another decade--the keyhole halter look, the too high slit, those huge-platformed heels...She's such a pretty girl who is only 24 years old yet here she looks 47.
Gown Score: 5.6

Miss Georgia USA Tiana Griggs: Tiana is NOT playin' around in this gown--and with that hair, puckered lips and "I Will Cut You" look. This gown would have been FABULOUS in 1979. And on a good note, the sequin work is gorgeous. But in 2014, this gown looks dated and too "Showgirl". And once again, wrong shoes, she should wear no platform strappy heels.
Gown Score: 6.7

And now the "Ooooh GURL!/No You Didn't!":
Miss Idaho USA Ivette Bennett: I do love the bright neon yellow color of this chiffon and crepe satin gown. And the shape and fit are quite nice. But...it's just A LOT of dress and with that chiffon overskirt, seems best utilized for a costume in need of a feathered headdress.
Gown Score: 7.9
Miss Indiana USA Mekayla Diehl: This "OOOOH GURL!" section is about highlighting the gowns that are A LOT. And this one fits the bill. This lipstick red gathered Mermaid-silhouette gown is very Pageant Betty--you've got the Mermaid shape, the sweetheart neckline, the nude illusion inset, the off-the-shoulder...Oh, and then there's a sequined waist trim. If that wasn't enough, somehow she felt it was necessary to wear those earrings and deep red lipstick. GURL!!???
Gown Score: 7.2

Miss Massachusetts USA Caroline Lunny: One word: Wow. And I'm not sure if it's a good "wow". It's A LOT (that's why she's here). I know that someone like Eva Longoria has worn something like this (at Cannes) and gotten away with it (even with her teeny tiny frame). But it was COUTURE and silk and not rippling polyester. This gown is overwhelming. THE definition of "Too Mucheey". On a good note, I love her modern side-swept hairstyle and "nude" makeup.
Gown Score: 7.0

Miss Michigan USA Elizabeth Ivezaj: I think Elizabeth is so exotic and very pretty. She didn't need this "Too Mucheey" gown. First off, the colors are a little too "moody" and in combination with the heavy sequin applique and multi-tiered tulle, it's very "National Costume" as opposed to Evening Gown. Also, her "sisters" look smooshed.
Gown Score: 6.8

Miss Nevada USA Nia Sanchez: First off, Nia is GORGEOUS and I get why her "Glam Squad" (or Nia) chose this gown, in terms of its color; it works with her skin tone and hair. But...IT'S A LOT. You've got the nude illusion backing, the sequined applique and then (naturally), the over-the-top Mermaid shape and multi-tiered ruffled bottom half. Oh and of course, that wasn't enough so she also accessories with earrings. This is a Cha-Cha Queen dress and more suited for Miss Universe than Miss USA.
Gown Score: 8.0

Miss Utah USA Angelia Layton: And here's another "Too Mucheey" mermaid-shaped gown. It's definitely a trend at this year's Miss USA--or at least in the Prom-and-Pageant World. On a good note: her waist looks TEENY but I just feel that she didn't need this too-Mermaid dress; her "sisters" look smooshed (another Miss USA trend?) and I think it's better suited for a fabulous Drag Queen at the Rio de Janeiro Gay Pride.
Gown Score: 7.2

Miss Pennsylvania USA Valerie Gatto: I love the black lace-over-nude fabrication but...for some reason, the fabric with the silhouette and the too-low strapless sweetheart neckline--it just looks a little too "Real Housewives of (name a city)". The over-pouffed hairstyle does not help. This gown and girl needs some editing and de-pouffing.
Gown Score: 7.5

***Next Up...the Miss USA 2014 Preliminary Evening Gown Competition--Highlights and Low Lights and (hopefully) some Gown Changes

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